i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
