my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Ladies don't puke and tell
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
