They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just got carded by a ten year old.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
