I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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