wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
