Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
