What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
