I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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