Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
