It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
