just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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