In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
