dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
