waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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