I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
