i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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