i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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