you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
