k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
