He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
