Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
