just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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