The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
