I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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