Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
