Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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