i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
