Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
