If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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