People in love make me want to vomit
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
birth control should be required to get into college
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
