i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
