My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
