You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
