ugly people sure do ruin things
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
