I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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