Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
