I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
