The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
