So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
