he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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