This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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