I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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