Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
