I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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