Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
