Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My underwear smells like fireworks.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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