I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
