the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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