guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
