I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
