Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
